Time to give thanks to all the girls who worked out for a month and dieted so they could fit into tiny, slutty costumes for our collective enjoyment. I'd like to take a minute to run-down some of my favorites from this year.
"Sexy" Ms. Potato Head
Now, lets think long and hard about this one for just a hot second. She cannot be a sexy Ms. Potato Head by virtue of the fact that she already has a head of her own. Ms. Potato Head must have been left in the pantry too long and has begun to sprout.
This is only Ms. Potato Head if she had gone to South America to have 60% of her body mass removed via plastic surgery. We all know Ms. Potato Head as being round - perhaps this would have been a better costume for a "rounder" kind of girl, in which case, it still wouldn't be sexy.
I think we know who the real "potato head" in this picture is.
The Non-Costume
Can we all just agree that this is not a costume?
Yes, it was listed as a Halloween costume, sure. And I can get behind the best tradition of the holiday - girls dressing like hookers - yes.
However, due to the halter-top nature of the costume and the wafer-thin fabric, there is literally
nothing left to the imagination. I think I'd be more comfortable being nude in public than pretending that my Banana Hammock for Women passed off as clothing.
PROS - Easy access for peeing.
CONS - You freeze your nipples off.
The Wrong-Holiday Costume
This one has blown my mind for years.
Dressing up like a sexy Santa or cute little elf is really adorable - On
Christmas.
Why, oh, why must we cross-mix holidays? I sincerely can say that I've never seen a girl walking around as Sexy Santa on Halloween night, but I wouldn't put it past someone out there to think this is a really bright idea.
That being said, consider this my formal request to costume companies all across China - please stop.
Cops and Robbers
Ok, I'll admit it, these girls are
hot.
Only downfall is someone mistaking you for an actual cop or an actual criminal. This is probably unlikely.
One thing you will definitely need to pull this off is Photoshop. Yes, you will need to buy Photoshop to look this good. If I didn't think my lovely cop-and-robber fantasies were about to be destroyed by several overweight girls who squeeze their giant muffin-tops into these tiny mid-drift costumes, I'd be more inclined to recommend the outfits.
Also, you'll need to go to an adult entertainment store to find those boots.
I love those boots.
Im Super Desperate Costume
Here, we see the common dingbat in flight.
Ladies, what are we saying when we dress up like a stupid, pink remote control? Please control me! Im Desperate and most likely completely crazy! Wheeeeeeee!
The best part of this costume for sure is the "Press" button on her head. Like she's so dumb, you're going to need to press the "on" button to her brain if you'd like to talk to her.
Last, but most certainly not least, if you dress up as a remote control, why do you need another remote control strapped to your thigh?
A remote control to control the girl dressed up as a remote control.
Blondes: confirming stereotypes for centuries.
That is all! Enjoy your Halloween weekend!
Drink LOTS
Dont DRIVE
And most definitely go to
drunkathome.com to relay your awesome drinking stories from the weekend to the rest of us!!!
